Dr. Meryl Ain
A plan that would virtually end school bullying and make school discipline kinder, gentler and more meaningful is being proposed for schools throughout the country.
The man behind this revolutionary concept is Dr. Robert Goldman, a Long Island psychologist/lawyer. He is intent on changing the culture of schools based on lessons found in his book, No Room for Vengeance, and his work with the Suffolk County Probation Department.
Goldman’s book, co-authored with Victoria Ruvolo, tells the true story of an incident that took place on the Long Island Expressway in November 2004. A teenager tossed a 20-pound frozen turkey out the rear window of the car he was riding in and it broke the windshield of an oncoming car, hitting and nearly killing Ruvolo, its driver. But instead of going to prison for up to 25 years, the offender, Ryan Cushing, 18, was allowed to plead guilty to a reduced charge of second-degree assault at the insistence of Ms. Ruvolo.
As a result of Ruvolo’s compassion, Goldman developed a program of repentance for juveniles, one believed to be the first in the country.
After Cushing entered his plea and was leaving the courtroom — knowing he would be sentenced to only six months in jail, five years probation and one year of community service — he stopped in front of Ruvolo who was standing at the end of a row and hugged her. The two cried openly.
“I’m so thankful that you are doing well,” he whispered to Ruvolo, whose face had to be rebuilt using metal plates and screws in a 10-hour operation.
“You’re such a wonderful person,” he continued, sobbing uncontrollably as others in the courtroom choked back tears. “Never did I intend to hurt anyone, especially someone as special as you. I prayed for you every night; I never meant this to happen.”
“It’s OK, it’s OK,” Ruvolo told him. “I am going to be watching over you now. Just do good with your life.”
Inspired by her compassion and challenge to create a venue where Ryan could do something good with his life, Goldman developed a program called TASTE, an acronym that stands for Thinking errors, Anger management, Social skills and Talking Empathy.
The program in Suffolk County’s juvenile justice program offers young people a chance to apologize to their victim in writing or in person. Goldman, who is now the supervising psychologist in the Probation Department, said that Ryan’s community service required him to address youngsters in the TASTE program. It is for youngsters 12 to 15-years-old who have pleaded guilty to a variety of crimes (including shoplifting, criminal trespass, assault, graffiti and aggravated harassment) and have been sentenced to probation or had their cases adjourned in contemplation of dismissal. Goldman noted that Ryan continued speaking to groups with Ruvolo well after his one-year of community service ended.
The hour-long probation programs — which can range from four to 16 sessions, depending on the needs of each youngster — also involve the participation of the youth’s parents. Goldman and his colleagues at the Probation Department run TASTE, which focuses on teaching the juveniles about self-control.
The key to the program is to have youngsters stop and think of the long-term consequences of their actions before they act.
Now Dr. Goldman wants to bring this program to schools as an alternative to suspension.
“Rather than throwing them out of school, thereby rewarding them for their behavior, I would hold them accountable by putting them through this program and having them make peace with their victim — especially in the case of bullying,” Goldman explained.
This is an intriguing program and one certainly worth considering. As the Hearing Officer in Superintendent’s Disciplinary Hearings for more than a decade, I often felt hamstrung in meting out consequences. New York State law allows only for suspension as a punishment. Counseling, alternative behavior modification programs, and creative solutions can only be recommended, not mandated.
Goldman also wants to give principals more authority — rather than automatically requesting a Superintendent’s Hearing — to impose more than a five-day suspension. He notes that implementing TASTE in schools would give kids — particularly those involved with drugs and similar offenses — along with their parents and school personnel the opportunity to explore why the offense occurred, how the school was impacted, what such behavior does to the community.
“Let the children hear the consequences of their behavior on the school so they can understand,” Dr. Goldman said. “Let them become part of the program, part of the solution. Let them mentor others on the dangers of drugs.”
In addition, Goldman is currently developing a curriculum, based on the TASTE principles that he hopes to implement throughout the country, starting with New York. He says it fulfills the requirements of The Dignity for All Students Act, which will take effect in New York State in July. It was enacted to protect students in public schools from discrimination and harassment. New York joins 11 states, which have already passed similar legislation, including California, Connecticut, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, Vermont, Washington and Wisconsin.
The Dignity Act protects against all forms of harassment, especially those based on race, color, weight, national origin, ethnicity, religion, disability, sexual orientation, gender or sex. What’s notable about this legislation is that it amends state education law to require schools to incorporate diversity and discrimination awareness and sensitivity training into lessons on civility, citizenship, and character education. Additionally, schools are also required to develop effective responses to harassment and bullying, and to implement strategies to prevent these behaviors.
Forgiveness can change the future!! That is what Jay Even wrote in 2005 in his column in the Deseret News. He could not be more right! Since that article has appeared I have co-authored a book with Victoria Ruvolo that tells her story and continues to inspires other to forgive, as we speak to youth about the importance of accountability, reparation and healing!
We have appeared on Anderson Cooper, Erin Burnett, News 4 New York, Fox and friends and the list is just beginning. We are teaming up with the Pay it Forward Foundation. Out Motto, “Pay if forward with forgiveness and challenge others to do the same.” We share in the foundation’s commitment to spreading the goodness by getting out PIF bracelets to the entire world. As Charley Johnson frequently states, “It is not a matter of if this will happen, but when!” There will be more some very more exciting new announcements in the New Year, so please look for them.
We must never forget the world atrocities such as the holocaust, 911 and Darfur. Books must be written and survivors must speak. We must also retell stories of people who have exemplified grace by showing forgiveness so that tragedies are minimized and others are inspired not by the temptation of vengeance but rather forgiveness, and then we can change the future!
Dr. Robert Goldman, www.noroomforvengeance.com
Anonymous asked: Do you believe it is possible to use this model if the offender is not remorseful or will not accept responsibity for his or her actions?
Thank you for such a great question. There answer is no and that is the reason we need to teach the lesson of accountability and remorse. That is what I have attempted to in my work and my book. Keep the questions coming!
Such was the challenge Victoria Ruvolo made to Ryan after she forgave him for nearly killing her.
My hopes for 2012 is that our world be a place where there is no room for vengeance in it. Vengeance is what corrupts our ability to heal physically, spiritually and emotionally.
If a society is fueled by actions based on vengeance, violence and the distortion of justice will endure. To make no room for vengeance, we must teach our children, educators and parents to be motivated by healing and restoring relationships when addressing conflict rather than destroying them (ie vengeance).
According to the Dalai Lama, “It is vital that when educating our children’s brain that we do not neglect to educate their hearts”.
The alternative to vengeance in forgiveness. Forgiveness has become the “F” word in our society. It is a dirty word, viewed as a sign of weakness. But forgiveness takes courage. It means that “I will not be controlled by your actions”. How liberating and healing that must be!
But take it one step further, imagine if you forgave the person and challenged them to do something good with your life, by paying it forward! www.pifexperience.org
This is the story of my new book entitled, “No Room For Vengeance in Justice and Healing” co-authored with Victoria Ruvolo and our mission for the new year is to get this message to the children, our educators and our parents.
For if we practice making no room for vengeance in our own lives, what a year 2012 will be!— Robert Goldman, Attorney and Psychologist www.noroomforvengeance.com